Delightful Reflections

Delighful Reflections: Quips, Conjectures, and Pontifications is now available

2011-11-14T14:10:00.000-08:00

My new book Delightful Reflections: Quips, Conjectures, and Pontifications (ISBN-13: 9780615561981) is now available from Amazon.com and CreateSpace.com .

The following are a few "samplers:"

Any residents of Washington, B.C. were most likely Native Americans.
Proof found outside the pudding is likely to be much less messy.
A minister suffering from laryngitis is in a poor condition to preach to the choir.
The right to use bullet points may be guaranteed by both the First and Second amendments.
Someone singing "Do Cry for Me, Argentina" is likely rather self-centered.
Granting a child's Christmas wish for a hippopotamus would, under most circumstances, be somewhat unkind to his or her parents.
Morally marginal individuals ought to be aware that what happens in Vegas may stay on Facebook and Youtube for a long time!
One would hope that a piece of textile with the message that "Dog food is delicious" is a dog coat.
It is mean for parents not to allow their children to clean their rooms.
It is really sad to hear one elementary school student bragging to another that "My funeral is going to be bigger than your funeral!"
Authors who are afraid of the dark should refrain from hiring ghostwriters.
One rarely ever hears any objection being expressed to the comparison of pears and grapefruits.
If Lynn Anderson suddenly has a memory of this, the decent thing to do is to record "I DID Promise You a Rose Garden."
If it does not look like a Dachshund, does not walk like a Dachshund, and does not bark like a
Dachshund, it might be considered deceptive to list it on Craigslist as a Dachshund without disclosing these material facts.
A nun who wakes up the whole neighborhood while beating up a fellow nun for disturbing the peace needs a serious talk by the mother superior about goal displacement and constructive ways to deal with problem co-workers.
There does not appear to be any support in respected, peer reviewed journals for the hypothesis that a pear a day keeps the dentist away.
Cain may have been the first communist.
To minimize the risk of injury, it might be helpful to move one's tongue before turning the other cheek.
When in Rome, one should try to make a profit on the Romans.
It would have been nice if Carly could have clarified whether, if attending a party on a yacht, one should walk aboard as if walking into a party or as if walking onto a yacht.
Few people seen to question the authenticity of Bruce Springsteen's birth certificate.
If it quacks, but not like a duck, one might well be confused.

Hypothesis about the possible origin of the specific wording of the First Amendment

2011-10-09T11:43:00.000-07:00

It is possible that the wording of the First Amendment was adapted from an off-handed remark by one individual that "You know, Congress really should make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. Such laws would be way uncool!"

A Mother of All Conspiracy Theories

2011-04-27T10:53:00.000-07:00

The so-called "birthers" have long maintained that Barack Obama was born outside the U.S. What is really ironic is that they don't know the half of it.

"Birthers" likely suspect that the President was likely born either in Kenya--the home of his father--or Indonesia, where records seem to confirm he spent some time. Imagine what a field day they would have if they actually learned the entire truth, or just 25% of it for that matter!

Barack Obama was not born in 1961 as is commonly believed. He was actually born in 1949 or 1950 in what was then the Soviet Union. The records relating to this are heavily guarded, so we have to rely on third party accounts which differ a bit in the details. When he was twelve or thirteen, he conspired with the Soviets, Lee Harvey Oswald, and aliens from outer space to assassinate President Kennedy. This accounts for the difficulty in reconciling the evidence at the scene with a lone shooter. Why weren't the bullets found? The aliens and strong and sophisticated magnetic retrieval systems that could selectively remove the bullets fired by Obama.

Why did Obama and the Soviets want to do away with Kennedy? Had JFK lived another week, he would have renounced his liberal policies and would have announced his switch to the Republican Party. And that's just the beginning. Apparently, the Soviets had learned of other changes that Kennedy meant to implement. These changes were so dramatic that only the top echelon of the Politburo knew about them. The spies who bugged Kennedy's office were deliberately selected from individuals who did not speak English. The Soviets were so shocked at what they heard that the erased the recording immediately after hearing it. All notes made during the meeting were destroyed.

What about the birth certificate that supposedly exists in the records of the State of Hawaii? Can't that be carbon dated to establish that it was written more than fifty years ago? Probably, but it would be stupid to underestimate the resources of the conspirators. The Soviets certainly had highly placed moles within the State of Hawaii who could have placed the certificate back in 1961. If that strategy had failed, the aliens would almost certainly be capable of time travel, allowing them to go back in time to plant the certificate. We are not dealing with amateurs here!

Does Obama know that he is a Soviet mole and what he did in 1963? Of course note! He genuinely believes that he was born in 1961 and has no idea that he ever shot anything. Since birth, he has been under a powerful hypnotic trance. It would be much too dangerous for everyone if he knew about the plan. Then he might accidentally slip up at some point. His health care plan, however, makes it abundantly obvious that he is under Communist control. It is doubtful that even someone as liberal as Ted Kennedy would have supported such U.N. Shadow Government sponsored government control. Yes, it is true that Kennedy publicly supported the plan, but that was because the aliens had threatened harm to his family if he did not.

Skeptics will object that there is absolutely no evidence for this theory. Such cynicism is completely unwarranted. This merely shows how proficient the conspirators were in covering it up. However, any halfway competent psychic can confirm these facts. Also, without this conspiracy, how would you explain any of the following?

The Supreme Court's 1966 Miranda ruling
The election of Jimmy Carter in 1978
The development of nuclear capability by Pakistan
Increasing crude oil prices
The refusal of NASA to release any documents and photos establishing visits to earth by space aliens
The growth in California sales tax rates during the last twenty years
Declining birth rates in Japan and Europe
Teaching of evolution in the public schools
The appointment of Hillary Clinton as U.S. Secretary of State
The creation of the U.S. Department of Education
Increasing freeway congestion in many areas of the U.S.
Flouridation of the water supply in many U.S. communities
Requirements that vehicles sold in the U.S. contain air bags
High rates of influenza and insomnia across the U.S. and Europe
Tyrannical gun control measures
China's increasing trade surplus with the U.S.
The formation of the European Union
Increasing salaries of librarians (the profession of Karl Marx)

Two truths and a lie

2011-01-25T10:30:00.000-08:00

Last week-end, I attended a strategic planning meeting for the Autism Society, and a group of us went to dinner after Saturday's sessions. We played a game where each person would tell two truths and one lie about himself or herself. The others were asked to identify the lie. My three assertions:

One time, I yelled at Lucky Reagan--the late President and Mrs. Reagan's dog--to "Shut up!" when it was barking.
Due to a volcanic eruption that grounded all incoming and outgoing flights, I had to stay an extra six days in Iceland.
When trying to join a tall club, I failed the measure-in.

Any guesses as to which one is false? Nobody got it right at the dinner!

Strange dreams

2010-12-18T17:16:00.000-08:00

Over the last two nights, I have had some rather strange dreams.

Last night, I dreamed that I was in Indonesia (I am not sure why) and that what was represented as a tsunami arrived. Oddly, it was not one huge wave, but a number of smaller, gentler ones--very much unlike the real thing. I and others did not seem particularly worried or concerned--we just stood in front of a house as though its walls would somehow shield us. There was no panic. I don't even recall being bothered by the sea water that splashed in and would, presumably, have made us wet and hit our heads, splashing into eyes and nose. This was clearly not a real life tsunami. One probably cannot be held responsible for what one dreams, but I feel rather guilty about having had this vision of what, in truth, is a devastating and terrifying event that actually kills people and imposes a severe hardship in its aftermath. It was almost a bit of a "reverse nightmare" where the bad things that, under the circumstances, would have happened in real life did not.

The night before last, it was clear in my dream that both my grandparents had passed away--as they have in real life with my grandmother passing away nearly two years ago and my grandfather, perhaps symbolically, passing away on December 31, 1999. What was strange, however, was they had somehow--toward the later years of their lives--moved to an apartment that I had never seen. I--and possibly other members of my family--went there for some reason that I do not recall. I do not have the impression that the apartment had been sold, and I have no idea why they would have moved there.

This latter dream parallels a number of dreams I have had about moving. Often, I dream that I never checked out and moved my things from the apartment that I rented back in college. There have also been dreams about moving away from the farm where my family lived in Denmark in the early to mid-1970s. One time, we somehow skipped the one we moved to before coming to the U.S., having already moved to the U.S.without vacating the Danish property.

Dreams about complications and delays in moves might clearly be related to my discomfort with change. Any alternative interpretation or interpretation of last night's dream?

Government accounting standards

2010-08-11T16:15:00.001-07:00

Back many years ago in the MBA program, I took a class on Accounting Policy. One day, the professor made an off-hand comment that has intrigued me ever since: If the Government used the same accounting standards as businesses do, it would, in fact, be running large surpluses rather than deficits.

Although the specifics of both government and industry accounting are complex, the basic difference is that government accounting is based largely on income and spending. In industry, in contrast, credit is given for money spent to buy or produce a long term asset. That is, when the government creates a highway or building, the money spent is ordinarily "expensed" when payment is made. In contrast, when a firm builds a new factory, the money spent is generally balanced on the books with an asset that reflects the long term value of the investment made. Over time, a factory is then "depreciated," recognizing that it has a finite lifespan and future income generating potential.

What does this mean? It does not mean that it is OK to run up unlimited budget deficits as a way to "invest" in the future. Even if the money is put to good use, large deficits result in the so-called "crowding out" phenomenon: As the government borrows more money and pays increasingly higher interest rates, it is more difficult for businesses to borrow money. When firms have to pay higher interest rates, that reduces investment since, with higher interest rates and less certainty of the availability of capital, many new investments--such as factory expansion and new product development--become less attractive or, in technical terms, have a lower "net present value." Consumers, too, will generally--all other things being equal--end up paying higher interest rates on credit cards, mortgages, and other loans.

What these Government accounting standards do suggest is that not all budget deficits are created equal. Money spent on projects that--worthy as they may be--do not generate lasting value are more serious than those which create a long term asset. One can question whether we need another freeway, but once it has been constructed, it will be around for a while. Similarly, investing in education can result--from a purely pragmatic point of view--in a more competent and productive work force.

It should also be noted that, if put off, the maintenance of certain infrastructure such as power grids, bridges, and water distribution can become a lot more expensive in the future. As such, then, investing in those facilities that are Government operated and providing tax incentives for upgrades to privately owned facilities may make good fiscal sense.

Dinge Dong

2010-07-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

Each year, many European countries participate in the Eurovision Song Contest. As the name suggests, each country selects a song to be sung at an annual event that alternates among locations. Many of these songs become hits.

In 1975, the Netherlands' entry, sung by a group named Teach-In, won. The song was reportedly criticized for its apparent non-sense title and lyrics.

When songs are "ported" from one language to another, the lyrics are changed completely. For example, the lyrics that go with the melody of the song "Killing Me Softly With His Song" in Danish go "Chicken, hotdogs, and soft serve ice cream." When the song "Ding Dong" was ported to Danish, it became "Dinge Dong." Now it involves a woman on her wedding day reflecting on the impending event. The "dinge dong" first refers to the sound of her alarm clock and later to the church bells that ring. "Listen to how [the bells] bring joy with each beat." Some of the additional lyrics go "I am wide awake and can hear someone. The mail carrier rings the bell. There are letters and cards. Many people have written to congratulate. Flowers in bouquets and telegrams. ... With a 'Yes' and 'Amen,' we are tied together and you are mine from today on."

My family left Denmark for California in November of 1978. At that time, the song was popular and something apparently stuck with me. For the last two years, I asked friends from Denmark if they knew the song. Nobody could identify it based on the few fragments of the lyrics I could remember back then. However, my cousin suggested that I contact Radio Denmark and they identified the song for me two weeks ago. I was able to order the CD by mail and it arrived today.

This is a touching song. It almost seems it must be to be remembered after more than thirty years.

As

2010-04-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

One of Stevie Wonder's lesser known songs is rather concisely titled "As." Listening to the lyrics, I would have guessed that the title would have been something like "I'll Be Loving You Always," but for some reason the briefer and less descriptive title prevailed.

Arguably, "As" is Stevie Wonder's best song. Not only is touching; the similes are amazing. Unfortunately, the song does not show up on any of the "greatest hits" and other compilation albums.

One potential reason that this song did not do well on the chart is its length--seven minutes and eight seconds. The late singer Harry Chapin once remarked at a concert that he had difficulty getting his songs played on the radio because they tended to be "too long." He joked that he once had a song--W*O*L*D--which made it to the charts and "stayed there for fifteen minutes." It was actually more like eight, but for the radio, eight is apparently too much.

The Sense of Sound and Silence

2009-09-26T19:18:00.001-07:00

There are two sensations that remind me of flying--one relating to sound and one relating to the lack thereof.

Seeing a "silent" TV screen--especially a big one--immediately brings up the sensation of being on an airplane. This is not surprising since I rarely ever want to watch the movies or video material shown. Over time, I have experienced numerous of associations between screen images without words and flying.

The sound triggers memories of flying is the fan of a notebook computer that kicks in when the hard drive is active. This is consistent with the sound of the early phases of a landing as small adjustments are made to speed and altitude.

Why Adulterers?

2009-07-05T12:47:00.001-07:00

A number of individuals have, over time, expressed curiosity over my outspoken disapproval of adultery. My diatribes significantly precede the advent of Facebook. Back in college, I suggested a symposium on "The Virtues of Temperance and the Evils of Adultery." Back when I was in the Ph.D. program--in the days before strong computer security--I instituted a screen saver in the Department computer lab with the message "Adulterers are the scum of the Earth." Officially, the origin of that banner message was undisclosed, but some people probably had their suspicions. Unfortunately, zealous prudes are few and far between.

Most reasonably people would probably agree that adulterers are disgustingly sinful psychos, but a lot of reprehensible characters fall into that category, so that still leaves the question of why one would want to target adulterers with special zeal.

Cynics might suggest that having never been married, there is little risk in my targeting this group. There are, however, probably a large number of other scumbags I could target without running a risk of hypocrisy.

When first asked, I suggested that one reason for this target is that adulterers are likely to be so afraid of getting caught that they would be unlikely to raise suspicion by retaliating. That, of course, is a reassuring consideration, but hardly the whole story.

A more reasonable explanation might be that although I can intellectually absorb studies that show that a significant percentage of individuals commit adultery at least once during their lifetime, emotionally accepting that real people would do something so stupid in large numbers just doesn't happen. Yes, I know I am naive. If I didn't actually see a large number of people smoking, I would have difficulty believing that they would do something that stupid, too.

Studies have apparently found the incidence of adultery over a lifetime to run somewhere between 10-25% in the U.S. There is a question of as to the accuracy of these findings and, at the risk of stereotyping, rates are likely to be even higher in less morally conscious countries such as France. Some scumbags may deny their wrongdoing or attempt to come up with some rationalization why their contemptible transgressions are "not really" adulterous actions. Other individuals who are misguided enough to want to shock an interviewer or otherwise project a bad image--but not quite reprehensible enough to actually engage in this despicary--may falsely claim to have committed the transgression.

It is very difficult to understand why real people are willing to succumb to the temptation given the disastrous consequences that may result if they are caught. The fear of punishments keeps most people from engaging in various types of criminal activity. Why are the bozos in denial of the potential consequences of being caught engaging in philandery but not in denial of the likely punishment for counterfeiting, disturbing the peace, and murder?

Supposedly, there are only about thirty serial killers in action at any one time--not to say, of course, that those psychopaths can't do a lot of damage--but it is still a very small group. I am fully intellectually aware that the ranks of adulterers is much larger, but accepting this as "genuinely" true is another matter.

There is safety in attacking a largely non-existent group.

The Joy of Judgment

2009-05-05T15:03:00.000-07:00

If you have not had a chance to check out my recent Facebook status updates, you might enjoy the following pontifications:

Adulterers who park in front of fire-hydrants while committing their evil deeds deserve to have their cars impounded!
Communist serial killer adulterers are even more reprehensible than "run-of-the-mill" adulterers.
Adulterers should be retroactively denied Halloween candy and should be forced to pay back historical "trick-or-treat" spoils with compound interest!
Adulterers should stop their evil ways and devote the rest of their lives to doing good deeds in repentance!
The world would be better off without communists, tobacco, alcohol, adulterers, and raw fish.
Ditching classes with impunity is a morally repugnant practice indicative of serious character deficiency, lack of dedication, and unmitigated sloth!

My Grandmother Was Geekier Than Your Grandmother!

2009-04-01T10:52:00.000-07:00

My grandmother passed away peacefully yesterday at age ninety-six. As a member of a family of proud eccentrics, she was certainly a character. She was also quite geeky for her age--and for someone of any age, for that matter.

My grandmother read the news online. This gave her an opportunity to read the Danish newspapers in their entirety immediately rather than just getting the small weekly international edition by one of the Danish papers by mail a week later. She did, however, subscribe to the printed newspaper, but that was strictly for use by her dogs. Ironically, my grandmother was a journalist in her youth, and I can't imagine she would have wanted her own articles to receive that treatment.

Earlier, in her eighties, my grandmother had taken up the Internet and became involved in online forums. So far as we know, she never and an online affair--even after my grandfather passed away nine years ago--but maybe that just shows how much we know. She liked to share with the rest of the family the intrigue that took place between the participants in the online communities. My grandmother was among the early adopters of broadband. Before that, she had a second line for her AOL dial-up. Otherwise, her phone line would have been tied up too much. My grandmoter never expressed much nostalgia for her oldfashioned electric typewriter. She was, by the way, among the first to get an IBM Selectric back in the 1960s.

My grandmother was an avid photographer who enthusiastically switched to digital in her late 80s. It was a certain relief that she was now less dependent on those incompetent photo developers, most of whom failed to meet standards. Never mind about the old days when there wasn't much that could be done after the photo had been taken. My grandmother was a huge Photoshop enthusiast who liked to sharpen and otherwise alter her photos. Although she might have been able to teach these courses herself, my grandmother took a number of online photo courses. She worried a great deal about how many of her photos would be selected as a "Photo of the Week" from among those submitted by all students. She was usually hugely disappointed if only one or two of hers--as opposed to all the ones she submitted--were chosen. She was intensely aware--and highly critical--of her unworthy rivals. My grandmother did not subscribe to Photoshop Fanatic, but that probably has more to do with the reality that no such magazine exists than it does with lack of interest.

Over the years, my grandmother acquired a large number of cameras as new features emerged. Patience in waiting until the new models became available was not my grandmother's strong suit. Those online retailers not among the first to stock the newest cameras could forget about my grandmother's business. Many members of the family became the beneficiaries of the "obsolescence" of cameras acquired a year or two earlier. Still, the newer cameras frequently failed to meet expectations, becoming a disappointment.

My grandmother didn't bother with old fashioned paper invitations anymore. For her yearly birthday celebration, we were all invited by e-mail.

My grandmother did encounter certain computer frustrations. She was not shy about throwing files away. My mother would often receive very frustrated calls from my grandmother about computer malfunctions. It often turned out that my grandmother had dragged important program files into the waste basket, oblivious to any consequences this would have. As it turned out, of course, the consequences were usually minor since her daughter would come to bail her out. As a last resort, my grandmother also did have her laptop, but making do with a puny screen was somewhat of a comedown for someone accustomed to twenty-four inches.

Toward the end, my grandmother did acquire an iPod. You may wonder what held her back for so long. How, after all, can one be a true geek without an iPod, or at least some other respectable MP3 player such as Zune? Unfortunately, my grandmother never had great hearing even in her yournger days, so her interest in audio devices was limited. She did get an iPod when she was bedridden toward the end so that she could look at photos. Limited hearing might explain why my grandmother never used her cell phone much. Still, I have to admit that I have no satisfactory explanation why she never acquired a Blackberry or an iPhone with Internet features. Perhaps the buttons were just too small. Had this problem been overcome, she might very well have taken up texting.

Like it or not, my grandmother was geekier than your grandmother!

Partial solution of the California budget crisis

2009-01-19T17:10:00.000-08:00

It occurred to me that if we moved UCLA to Bakersfield, a great deal of cash could be generated by selling the land on which that institution is currently located. This land could be replaced at a much lower cost in its new and more appropriate location!

A lonely man driving a taxi

2008-12-16T11:56:00.000-08:00

For some time, I have been trying to find out who sings the song wherein a man bemoans the fact that "The nights are still so long." There is also a reference to seeing something or someone "in the crowd." It was unclear to me exactly what, but the singer definitely appeared to state "Sometimes I think..."

Typically, when I hear a song that I want to identify, I run whatever phrases I can decipher and remember through Google to find a match. That, however, did not work the first few times around for this one. I asked the person behind the counter at the Yoshinoya Bowl if he knew the title of the song when I recently heard it there while having my trademark spicy combo. He did not.

Fortunately, I did hear the song last week-end, and I finally learned that the song featured Train. The title was "Cab." Apparently, the driver sometimes thought that he was "the only cab on the road." I ordered the CD from Amazon. It arrived yesterday. While I took a bit of a break from grading final papers, I played the song over numerous times.

This reminds of of the old days when I was a freshperson or sophomore in college and got into the habit of playing Genesis' song "Man on the Corner" over and over again. This story is in the third person, but otherwise, there are certain similarities. This was back in the old days of cassette tapes (or turntables which I rarely ever used). There was no automatic repeat feature, so I would manually rewind the song each time. This really frustrated my sister who did not have the same fondness for hearing the same song over and over again.

To some extent--and with some variations--there appears to have been at least a partial repetition of history.

Old habits die hard, especially for old eccentrics.

A little good news...

2008-11-06T11:42:00.000-08:00

Buried among all the negative economic projections is a story in the New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/06/technology/business-computing/06blue.html) reporting that IBM Chief Executive s Samuel J. Palmisano will suggest in a speech "technology-fueled economic recovery plan that calls for public and private investment in more efficient systems for utility grids, traffic management, food distribution, water conservation and health care." Economics, commenting on the idea, cite New Deal programs such as rural electrification, bringing about lasting economic growth. Sounds like a way to go!

33% of survey respondents "hate" Michelle Obama's dress?

2008-11-05T10:53:00.000-08:00

A Los Angeles Times blog today discusses Michelle Obama's fashion tastes and, in particular, her election night dress. In a survey--clearly not a representative one--47.9% of respondents indicated that they "loved" the dress. Considering the fact that Michelle Obama will probably the cutest First Lady in history, that is undertandable. I can also understand the 18.1% who indicated indifference and the 1.1% who did not see it--despite the prominent photo in the blog. What I don't understand, however, is the 33.0% who "hated" it. The dress is in perfectly decent taste. Do these respondents reflect individuals so caught up in partisanship that they can't recognize elegance when they see it? Does it make them, perhaps, uncomfortable that the spots are too similar in color to their own necks?

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/alltherage/2008/11/michelle-obama.html

Whoa! Are sunscreen sales increasing in Arizona?

2008-10-31T16:37:00.000-07:00

There is talk in the Obama camp that Arizona's electoral votes may now be within striking distance on Tuesday. This assessment may be a bit on the over-confident side (although it would be rather hypocritical for the McCain camp to suggest that). Still, I wonder if an increasing number of Arizonans are becoming conscientious about using sunscreen on their necks.

"Trigger" treating

2008-10-31T14:52:00.000-07:00

Nowadays, spoiled brats in Denmark reportedly get to celebrate not just Halloween but also a rather similar event named Fastelavn which happens sometime around February. When I lived back in the old country, there was only the traditional Danish event--but that was bad enough. Children get to dress up in obnoxious costumes. Historically, this day was apparently related to the onset of the fasting period,but you would not know it from the words coming out of the bratty mouths that day. Children get a collection of special branches--albeit not quite in the league of Singaporean canes--with which they are allowed to "whip" their poor parents out of bed. In an impudent jingle, they sing out "If I don't get any biscuits, I am going to wreak havoc!" The biscuits, here, refer to special biscuits similar to American raisin rolls. Despite these misdeeds, the children are not sent to bed without dessert or even denied television privileges. They weren't even in the old days. Well, at least they do not need to come knocking on people's doors, disturbing poor innocent neighbors. They are given candy on their canes.

Anyway, when I first came to the United States, I heard of children's Halloween extortion techniques before I saw the term written, so at first I thought the practice was known as "trigger" treating. After all, a lot of children's costumes included toy guns and other intimidating devices, so the idea sounded logical.

If you prefer not be to be disturbed in the future--or if you believe that limited exposure to candy will help build character--you may want to hand out homework assignments rather than candy this year. Children may not remember to do their chores or homework on a daily basis, but the experience of being assigned additional work may be traumatizing enough for the brats to drill into their not particularly pure minds the importance of skipping your home next year.

Well, at least my nephew Thomas--who is really into costumes--will enjoy Halloween. He apparently added a number of new costumes to his already abundant stash several months ago in anticipation of today's event. He may deserve the treat since he is rarely, if ever, sent to the Principal's office. In fact, my sister and brother-in-law don't usually do not have to struggle with the question of whether to chew him out since he reportedly rarely, if ever, misbehaves. Apparently, he actually does his homework without having to be threatened with loss of computer time. Actually, Thomas probably won't be all that aggressive in extorting candy since his grandmother will almost certainly give him all the candy he wants anyway, so he probably won't be that much of a pest to the neighborhood. I wish I could say the same of other children.

News?

2008-10-17T15:32:00.000-07:00

CNN today reported that a man had put dog excrement on his neighbor's truck. I realize that this may be sensational, but is it really news?

Suppose that, around the world, 200,000,000 live in such surroundings that, realistically, they might have a neighbor who could have a truck. Then assume that one out of every thousand of these people might be a whacko who might do something--if not the exact same thing--of equal disgustitude once in their lifetime. If these whackos each live an average of 70 years, they will live an average of 27,920.5 days (including the added days provided by leap years).

Now, dividing the 200,000,000 population by the whacko factor of 1,000, we get 200,000 "critical" whackos. Dividing that number by their average lifespan in days, we get an estimae that 200,000/27920.5 = 73.01 events like this would happen every day.

My assumptions might be a little off, but even if I am off by a factor of 10, would something that happens 7.3 times per day be "news?"

My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us ... NOTHING?

2008-09-23T23:29:00.000-07:00

The very rotten psychopaths who want to de-planetize Pluto are really sending our school children a very demoralizing message! As I have remarked before, with Pluto being by far the most eccentric of the nine original planets--original since 1930 anyway--this is really a thinly veiled sligh at eccentrics.

Brain washing poor school children

2008-09-22T22:09:00.000-07:00

My sister related how my poor nephew, Thomas (who recently turned five) came home and insisted indignantly that Pluto is no longer a planet. How can the schools feed the poor children such garbage? It is grossly unjust that today's school children have become the unwilling pawns in the battle between the rotten psychopaths who wanted to demote Pluto and the forces of good fighting this injustice. Why should a pathetic body like Mercury--which has no moons--be considered a planet and without granting at least the same status to Pluto which has at least three moons?

Surfing the friendly skies becomes expensive

2008-08-22T12:01:00.000-07:00

Apparently, many airlines have begun to charge surfers who bring along their boards $300 each way for each board. Apparently, some surfers bring as many as four boards, for a total of $2,400 for the trip. Despite a protest petition signed by 14,000 surfers, British Airways has banned surfboards entirely. I wonder how long it will be before we see T-shirts with the indignant message that "Surfing is not a crime!"

Intriguiging word choice

2008-08-02T13:04:00.000-07:00

A Time Magazine review states: "[T]he Tumi people did their best to make the Frequent Traveler look good — it's covered in the company's signature 'ballistic nylon,' which at least sounds cool—what makes this the damn-near-perfect carry-on is it's aggressive practicality." I love the anthropomorphism!

The downside is that the MSRP for this highly touted product is $549.00.

Pragmatism

2008-07-30T18:10:00.000-07:00

My mother asked my five year old nephew today if he wanted to go to Jack-in-the-Box for lunch. He said that he would rather have candy. His grandmother pointed out that candy contains sugar. My nephew was not impressed. After all, we have dentists to deal with that problem!

Toilet seat covers

2008-07-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

Many of you may already know this, but those of you who do not may find the following information helpful in avoiding the tremendous burden that I just went through in returning a non-fitting toilet seat cover to the retailer. Apparently, there are both round and elongated toilet seats. It looks like the "elongated" version--the one that I needed--is something like two inches longer than the "round" one.

Although I would probably still classify myself as a novice in this area, I am by no means inexperienced in shopping for toilet seat covers. I have lost count--perhaps because I never thought to make one--of how many times I have bought this product before. This, however, was the first time I ended up with a misfit.

"You're a good flamingo!"

2008-07-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

A woman in Trader Joe's gave her son standing on one leg this unusual compliment after he let me pass by.

New advertising encroachment

2008-07-17T13:29:00.000-07:00

There is tremendous competition for the consumer's attention these days. Any opportunity to grab his or her awareness--even for a moment--is precious. The other day, I noticed that advertising has now crept onto the fold-down trays on U.S. Airlines' seats. On busy flights, the crew will sometimes ask passengers to have their trays opened before the beverage station reaches the the passenger, prolonging the exposure to the advertising message. Hopefully, with clear plastic glasses, the beverage will not cover the advertising message.

This is one of the more devious tactics I have seen recently. It will be interesting to see if passengers--used to nice, neat, clean trays--will object to what may seem like aesthetic revulsion.

Wasted

2008-07-16T22:41:00.000-07:00

The GREEN Channel features an intriguing new series entitled Wasted. Two very zealous hosts expose and attempt to convert serious "eco-criminals" whose lifestyles are hard on the environment. In one recent episode, a family was receiving some 1,400 pounds of catalogs in the mail every year along with stuff ordered online packaged with 800 pounds of material. One member was spending some $90 per week in gasoline. The household also discarded a large number of cigarette buds every day.

The family got a stern lecture but got the message and reduced its "carbon footprint" by 39%.

Planetary gravity: There I go again!

2008-06-27T12:45:00.000-07:00

A little more than a year ago, in my blog entry entitled "How Could I Have Been So Wrong?" I reflected on my misperception of the actual distances of those stars closest to our solar system. It turns out that star closest to us is "only" 4.12 light years away--not the 26 I had expected. Vega, at 26 light years, is not the one closest to us.

Recently, I made another discovery that really stunned me. I had always imagined that, in addition to the challenges of dealing with a cold, non-definitive surface, the "giant" planets in our solar system--Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune--would have a crushing level of gravity. It turns out that I greatly over-estimated the gravity levels on these planets. According to figures at
http://www.enchantedlearning.com/subjects/astronomy/planets/, Jupiter does have a gravity force 2.5 times that of Earth--but still not the tens, if not hundreds, of times I had expected. I really don't know whether 2.5 Gs would actually "crushing," but at the risk of coming across as somewhat Eartnocentric, I would rather not find out from personal experience--call me a "fuddy duddy" if you have to. There would be certain other unpleasantries--quite aside from gravity--in attempting to stand on the surface of Jupiter. (Those interested might like to consult my blog entry "Song Facts" for a discussion of some of the nasty aspects of solar system travel). Saturn and Neptune have gravities a little above that of earth--something like 1.1 times--and Uranus' gravity level is actually a tiny bit less than that of Earth--maybe about 95%, as best I can judge from the graph.

In case you are wondering, Venus has a gravity level slightly less than that of the Earth, and Mercury and Mars seem to come in at about 80%. It looks like Pluto is only about 15% that of Earth, but that still does not seem a legitimate reason for the unconsciounable act of some to try to demote Pluto from its rightful status as a planet.

How can this be? It turns out that a body's surface level gravity is proportional to the body's actual mass and inversely proportional to the square of the distance from the surface to the center. Because the "gas giants" are much less dense than "rocky" planets like Earth, these distances are quite long.

It has been a long time since my high school physics days. My intuition had been more the other way around--that the mass would be squared and the distance left to itself. Again, I was wrong.

Strategic refueling mission accomplished!

2008-06-23T23:22:00.000-07:00

That sounds so much more impressive than saying that I stopped for gas the other day.

Alternative vacation plans

2008-06-12T11:28:00.000-07:00

Those concerned about rising prices of gasoline and air fares this year might consider an ego-trip rather than a traditional vacation. Believe me, such trips are highly gratifying!

Geeky fathers

2008-06-12T11:26:00.000-07:00

An e-mail notice from Roxio suggests that one's "Dad will love his gift [of Roxio Easy Media Creator 10]."

Logistically implausible claim in spam e-mail

2008-05-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

Today, a spam e-mail arrived with the following subject heading: "[W]holesale shoes accept [P]aypal."

A disturbing dream

2008-03-31T08:21:00.000-07:00

This one really has me puzzled--and embarrassed.

I dreamed that a service department employee at a Ford dealership insisted on bringing in an obnoxious salesperson who wanted me to sign up for a life long e-mail account on which I could store important information. It would work fifty or even hundred years from now.

What really doesn't jive with my self image as a kind and compassionate individual is that, as the salesperson made a long and rambling introduction, I kept hitting the salesperson's knuckles on one hand with my keys--not just car keys, but a large keyring with other keys. The salesperson apparently never tried to pull his hand away.

Just for the record, I have never actually engaged in this behavior while awake. I did once yell at a crooked car salesman, even in this case of a rotten psychopath who lied with impunity, I did not resort to physical violence. And I did not even succeed in getting him fired. Also for the record, that bozo was not with Ford.

Rain in Spain, Southern California, and Tokyo

2008-03-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

Two days after making my last blog entry, I did receive conformation that it does rain in Central Japan, at least some of the time. Smaller stores usually feature umbrella racks outside the stores. Larger stores, where too many umbrellas would accumulate outside the store, have umbrella wrapping machines that wrap the umbrella in plastic covers.

Ironically, it turns out that the song "It Never Rains in Southern California" was actually written before the two co-authors ever came here. Unlike the two writers of "Take Me Home, Country Roads" (which was written in Maryland), the co-authors of the rain song were anticipating their trip to Los Angeles. The story is based on the experiences of Albert Hammond of severe cash flow problems in Spain. Some interesting details are at http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=3137 . Somehow, no allusions to snails made it into the song's lyrics.

By the way, if any of you are looking for Julio Iglesias' version, there is actually independent song. It is part of the song "Moonlight Lady."

Got onboard an eastbound 747...

2008-03-15T17:15:00.000-07:00

So far, I have not seen any evidence that it ever does rain in Central Japan, but I am told it does.

Seven habits of highly ineffective F-students

2008-02-26T22:45:00.000-08:00

Ditch or arrive late for class
Engage in personal conversations during class
Fail to follow instructions and pay attention
Use the term “etc.” in their assignments and exam answers
Study insufficiently for exams and put inadequate effort into assignments
Fail to think logically and/or make their reasoning clear
Overestimate their own performance, insight, and competence

Marketing Fundamentals (BUAD 307) course podcasts now online!

2008-02-18T12:48:00.000-08:00

The audio from my Marketing Fundamentals (BUAD 307) course lecture sessions is now available as podcasts at http://buad307cast.com/audio/ .

My River

2008-02-15T13:59:00.000-08:00

In Birkerod, Denmark--the town in which I was born--there was a river that passed through. It wasn't a big river, and the water level certainly would not have high enough to sustain a yellow submarine, but I was not at all too proud to call it "my river."

My memories of this are very vague, but back when I was something like 2-3 years old, my mother, my little sister, and I would, almost every day, walk down to the road to my great grandparents who lived on a farm, most of which had been converted into leased factory space and, later, a kindergarten. When we arrived, my great grandmother would usually boil an egg for me. On the way, we could see the river. Somewhere--whether it was at home or at the homes of relatives--I was apparently exposed frequently to the classical piece The Moldau, composed by the Czech composer Bedrich Smetana. When this song was played, I am told, I would say that it was about "my river." The piece, by the way, is about the Czech river Vlatana (Moldau is the German word), and the composer intended to incorporate the sounds of the river into the composition.

To this day, I always have a special feeling when I hear the composition about my river. I have fond memories of listening to this piece frequently when I woke up to the morning program of Dennis Owen at WGMS in Washington, D.C. during my years at the University of Maryland and The George Washington University.

It may not be a duck

2008-02-14T13:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I came across a bird on a car in a parking lot. The food it had in its beak made it look, from the front, like a duck. I am not sure, however, whether ducks have spots, so I can't determine if it looks like a duck. I am not sure how ducks are supposed to walk--nor, for that sake, how other birds walk--so I cannot use that criterion. The bird did not quack, but one cannot infer non-duck status based on the converse. Another practical problem is that I am not sure if there are any "non-duck-like" ways of quacking (other than in offering bogus medical services), so I am not sure what the standard of comparison would be.

Ultimately, of course, the question is whether I could make more profit on this bird than I could on a duck. Unfortunately, I did not see any commercial value here.

The Grass is Greener at USC

2008-02-13T10:23:00.000-08:00

It is clearly evident that the grass on campus is now both literally and figuratively greener. Normally, I am rather suspicious of change, but, with green being my favorite color and with the environmental benefits of not having to irrigate artificial grass, this seems like a good one.

Valentine's Gift for Geeky Girlfriends

2008-02-02T16:39:00.000-08:00

Costco features a deal at http://www.costco.com/Browse/Product.aspx?whse=BC&topnav=&prodid=11188565&ec=BC-EC877-CatHome&pos=6&lang=en-US where a $59.99 discount is given when a Magellan Maestro 3250 auto GPS system is bought along with three dozen roses.

Juicy gossip in the LA Times

2008-01-29T10:32:00.000-08:00

The online version of the Los Angeles Times today features an article whose link from the front page features a title one might expect more to read in the National Enquirer: "Text messages point to affair in Detroit."

On second thought, maybe the Enquirer would use words less restrained than "point to."

A bad dream--in two stages

2008-01-16T10:49:00.000-08:00

The other night, I first dreamed that I was on my way to guest speak to a colleague's class at a nearby institution. I had budgeted plenty of time, but suddenly realized that I had only twelve minutes until the talk was scheduled to talk--but would definitely not be able to make it to the location--which I wasn't entirely clear on where to find. To make matters worse, as I was sitting in a parking lot to call my colleague, my cell phone was stolen. A woman approached me, asking, of all things, for an aspirin (which I must somehow had had with me), and while I was distracted, her partner in crime stole my cell phone. I woke up and wondered if it was really safe to keep my cell phone on my belt, or whether I was too vulnerable to get it stolen that way in real life.

In memory of Dr. Walter Rice

2007-12-16T12:34:00.000-08:00

The day before yesterday, I received the sad news that my old economics professor--both from my undergraduate days and from the MBA program--had passed away that morning.

Dr. Walter Rice was an old-timer at Cal Poly--going back to the days when the place was known by some as "Cow Poly." As I recall, Dr. Rice joined the Cal Poly faculty in 1964, the year in which I was born. Before then, he had first had a pre-college stint as a textiles buyer and then, after completing college, a career with the Department of Transportation (or some other state or Federal transportation related office). Dr. Rice developed a course in the Economics of Transportation, and his interest in that showed itself in other courses, too. One day, he prefaced an example by saying something to the effect that "Knowing my personality, you can probably guess that this has to do with transportation." Having originally joined the faculty without a doctoral degree, Dr. Rice spent an interlude receiving his Ph.D. at what was then (and until recently) known as the Clairemont Graduate School. He had, however, returned to campus years before I ever showed up.

Dr. Rice showed a great deal of enthusiasm for his field and was renowned for his constant references to "fat little dollars." One time, when the MBA Association had a contest for the design of an Association T-shirt, a group of us submitted one featuring capitalist pigs (with curly tails) "gobbling up fat little dollars." One time in class, to demonstrate reservation prices, Dr. Rice pointed out that you would obviously not turn down an offer from a potential employee to work for less than you would have been willing to pay. "You jump with joy!" he said instead.

Every year, Dr. Rice would start his MBA economics course with the story of Robinson Crusoe, illustrating first the benefits of investing time in making a net to catch fish and then diminishing returns to scale when more people joined Robinson in catching the fish. Robinson Crusoe was, of course, a profit optimizer. During my second MBA year--the course was featured in the first year--one of my classmates told me that a dozen or so people from my year had returned to hear his introductory story again.

Dr. Rice knew that some of us--especially those of us who did not have much of a math background--found certain aspects of his course rather difficult. Sadly, I no longer remember exactly what "isoquant" curves are about, but I remember those being especially challenging. One day, Dr. Rice alluded to the relief that many of us might feel after the upcoming exam was over. He then discussed a hypothetical scenario where, to celebrate the completion of the exam, we would head up to San Francisco. He suggested--illustrating some marginal phenomenon--that when we reached Gonzalez (probably about 75 miles North of San Luis Obispo--or some 300 miles North of Los Angeles on Interstate 101) and suddenly spotted him, we would want to be as far away as possible from him. Fortunately, it happened that at Gonzalez, there was an "arc" type road briefly running along the freeway, and going on that would maximize the distance from him.

Dr. Rice would often refer to "utils," a unit of utility. He mentioned that a meter to measure this quantity could be calibrated by pointing to the course text book. Finding that the utility for the book measured at -3.5, we would know that the meter was working properly. Dr. Rice's constant use of the term "utils," unfortunately, came back to haunt him when a disgruntled former student--with a vivid imagination--filed certain outrageous charges against him. Among her allegations was that the term was a secret code word used by Dr. Rice and a student assistant to refer to cocaine--or some other elicit substance--that they were allegedly dealing. Tragically, it took close to a year to clear Dr. Rice of these fabricated charges.

Dr. Rice did not take kindly to people who ditched class or failed to pay proper attention. Back in the days where few faculty recorded student attendance, he was a pioneer. One day, he announced that for those who were absent that day, the day's notes would be due at our next class meeting. Those of us who were present, however, did not have to worry about this. Dr. Rice took grave exception when, on the first day of classes, the caught a student looking through the class schedule during class. He expressed his vehement view that he considered such behavior "very rude." The last two words, in particular, thundered. One of my classmates who took a different section from mine mentioned that near the end of class, a student was startled by some outside noises and glanced at her watch. "Class ends when I say it ends!" came the stern and roaring reprimand. Dr. Rice liked to keep the door to his classroom open--presumably so that passers-by would not miss out on his wisdom. In my second MBA program, a very beautiful woman in the program was taking Dr. Rice's class. I knew that I could stop and admire her--deeply absorbed in the lecture--for a few moments without getting caught. Later, she told me about not daring to fail to pay full attention in that class.

To make sure that no one--despite paying close attention--missed out on his wisdom, Dr. Rice would often repeat himself. There were also certain hypothetical entities that kept coming up--e.g, the "W. E. Rice Widget Company."

I have fond memories of Dr. Rice and will miss him. I am also very disappointed that Dr. Rice passed away years before he would have had a chance to see one of his favorite students receive the Nobel Prize in economics.

I saw Adrian Monk knock out Santa Claus with a candy cane...

2007-12-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

Well, it wasn't actually the real Santa Claus, but rather a criminal who ran away after he had created a distraction by dressing up in a red suit while his accomplices robbed a nearby museum.

Earlier in the episode, Adrian had astutely admonished Julie, his assistant's daughter, that "You wouldn't like [Christmas], either, if you hated it as much as I do."

At one point, Adrian was accused of shooting (albeit not fatally) the impostor when he was engaging in a previous failed attempt at distraction. Adrian, however, claimed that the impostor had come at him and that he only shot in self defense. When interviewed on TV, Adrian's reassurance to the children that he did not shoot the real Santa Claus backfired when he explained that there is no such thing.

It took me so long to find out I was wrong--but I found out

2007-12-03T17:11:00.000-08:00

As John Lennon says in the song "Day Tripper," "It took me so long to find out, but I found out." Let me hasten to say that I am not--and have never been--into drugs. (After all, tall people are naturally high.) So that is not the reason for my mistaken impression of what I, until today, thought of as "the 'Barumbumbum' song."

In Denmark--at least until I left--I am not aware of a translation of the "Little Drummer Boy" ever being popular. At least, I do not recall ever hearing the song. Since another Christmas song explicitly refers to "the little drummer boy," I actually thought that that was the song with what title.

Imagine my surprise when--after being in the U.S. for twenty-nine years and one and a half weeks--I learned the name of the song. I also learned that the words apparently are "pa rum pum pum pum." This mistake is clearly not of the astronomical magnitude discussed in my previous post "How Could I Have Been So Wrong"--but it still stings!

Biggest points of the semester

2007-12-03T11:37:00.000-08:00

This is the last week of classes for the semester. Tomorrow's lecture will include a reminder of some fundamental truths:

Income ≠ willingness to pay
You do not have to make a direct profit on everything you do. What matters is TOTAL profit.
Having a great product does not mean that consumers will (a) know this and (b) be able to find a place to buy it.
Selling online usually costs more than going through traditional retailers
Behavior of segments tends to differ. Averages are often meaningless and misleading.
Messing with Microsoft is stupider than messing with Jim, spitting into the wind, tugging on Superman’s cape, or pulling off the Lone Ranger’s mask.

A disappointing turn of events

2007-11-29T23:29:00.000-08:00

The bozos at Yoshinoya have increased the price of the "Spicy Combo" bowl with impunity! Including tax, the cost is now 22 cents higher. That's disgusting! I wouldn't have objected so much if they had increased the price of the "sissy" combo (which I never have), but why would they increase the price of the spicy one, knowing full well that it's my favorite?

Supply, Demand, and Holiday Sales

2007-11-20T17:02:00.000-08:00

Economic theory suggests that as demand increases, sellers will be able to increase prices of scarce products. With an increase in demand, the new demand curve would intersect the supply curve at a higher equilibrium price. Why, then, do we actually see steep price discounts during the holiday shopping season when consumers are seeking to buy a large amount of goods?

Demand requires a willingness to pay in addition to an interest buying in the item. Therefore, it cannot be definitively concluded than an increase in demand has actually occurred.

There is high substitutability among many gift items. Although some shoppers are intent on buying a specific gift for an individual—such as a particular toy requested by a child—most consumers have considerably more leeway in choosing between numerous suitable gifts for an individual. A book, a DVD, or a T-shirt may all be suitable for an individual. Within each of these categories, there are a lot of choices—both among brands and retailers. The ready availability of substitutes decreases demand, resulting in a lower equilibrium price.

Increased elasticity among consumers during the holiday season will encourage retailers to discount. Retailers which offer low prices are likely to both attract more shoppers and sell more merchandise to each. This is especially the case in densely populated areas where traffic—and finding a parking space at the mall—may be difficult, thus making “one stop” shopping convenient. Consumers may choose to other, higher-margin merchandise while in the store when they come to find the “loss leader” items. For children who may receive multiple gifts, sales may especially encourage greater quantity purchases.

Retailers compete intensely among themselves. Each retailer competes not just with others selling the same brand and category, but with all who offer substitutes. Antitrust laws in the U.S. prevent retailers from getting together to “fix” prices. With the proliferation of discounters, everyone competes against the lowest price. Large discounters such as Wal-Mart and Target have considerable bargaining power due to the volume they purchase, so these can negotiate very low prices and, because of the high price elasticity among consumers, will find it optimal to pass much of the savings on to customers. Over the last two decades, a large number of “category killer” retail chains have emerged. Chains such as Circuit City, Best Buy, Staples, and Office Depot specialize in a limited assortment of goods. Within these categories, the “category killers” move large volumes, resulting in considerable bargaining power. In addition, many of these chains will make very large volume orders on items in targeted categories well in advance in return for exceptionally low prices. All these retailers must in turn compete against warehouse clubs such as Costco and Sam’s Club.

Since much of the merchandise ordered for the holiday season will lose considerable value after the holidays, it is important to “move” this merchandise before Christmas. Extreme examples of this involve ornaments and wrapping paper, but even categories such as jewelry are heavily affected since there will be few major gift occasions during the subsequent months.

Because of a tradition of heavy pre-Christmas discounting, retailers must try to “one-up” each other to stay competitive. Historically, there were few major before-Christmas sales. Back in the days when the retail environment was less competitive, the plan was to discount little before and then hold “after Christmas” sales as needed. However, in years with a sluggish economy, retailers often got nervous over the large amount of inventory remaining and, fearing that they would be stuck with merchandise, they concluded that sales would be the lesser of two-evils. In subsequent years, then, stores had to second guess each other, trying to discount before they did. Gradually, then, these sales became institutionalized, with consumers being reluctant to buy before discounts, spurring on the vicious cycle.

A November 14, 2007, article in the Wall Street Journal suggested that discounts might be less extreme this year than they have been in recent years. Retail stores now have access to better price optimization software and are, in some cases, less dependent on the holiday season due to the growth of store brands. There may well be some modest “cooling off” this year for these reasons, but it is unlikely that discounting will decline dramatically. The retail environment is, if anything, getting more competitive. Further, with Thanksgiving falling on November 22 in 2007—the earliest it can fall in any year—many retailers may, ironically, be overly optimistic in their sales expectations and may, therefore, stock too aggressively. Although consumers have longer to shop, there is also a potential for much more merchandise to remain at critical points. Even if retailers, on the average, order the right amount, those which have over-ordered may have to discount heavily and, in return, spur on the competition. They “category killers” and discounters are here to stay, and their effects spill into the entire retail market.

An extra day of profit

2007-11-15T13:14:00.000-08:00

This year, Thanksgiving falls on November 22, the earliest I ever remember it. The date of Thanksgiving has some significance to me since this way the day on which my family immigrated to the United States. Back in 1978, Thanksgiving fell on November 23, and I do not remember Thanksgiving ever coming earlier. It probably did at some point during the past 29 years--even with leap years, I would think that the fourth Thursday of November should happen at least once every 7+1+7=15 years--but I don't remember this ever being the case.

The good news for retailers is that with the Friday after Thanksgiving traditionally marking the "serious" start of the holiday shopping season, this year, people will have a longer time for shopping this year. Legend has it that former President Dwight D. Eisenhower once tried to move up Thanksgiving one week to allow for a longer holiday shopping period. I am not sure how successful he was at this--that is, whether he actually succeeded or not--and, as I understand it, a lot of people resented this seeming "commercial" motivation for messing with a day marked by a long tradition. Others may take a different perspective. In an admittedly different context, an earlier President had expressed his strong approval of certain people "in the way of progress."

Dysfunctional maybe, but gratitude nevertheless

2007-11-15T12:33:00.000-08:00

As thanksgiving approaches, it may be instructive to examine the case of the rather dysfunctional--but hugely successful--singer portrayed in Joe Walsh's song "Life's Been Good."

The singer owns a mansion. Although he has been told that "it's nice," he has never actually been there and cannot remember its price. Instead, he "live[s] in hotels" and engages in the rather socially irresponsible behavior of "tear[ing] down the walls." At least, however, he has the decency to "have accountants pay for it all." He he readily admits that "[he] can't complain" but nevertheless "sometimes [he] still [does]."

The singer owns a Mazaratti capable of going "185" (it is not clear whether that is miles or kilometers per hour). Unfortunately, he has "lost [his] license," and as a result, "[he doesn't] drive" anymore. Instead, he rides in limousines, sitting in the back. He has the presence of mind to "look the door" to guard against attack.

The singer is somewhat overwhelmed by the his lot in life, acknowledging that "It's tough to handle this fortune and fame." Although he looks "for clues at the scene of the crime," he seems to be rather clueless as to why he is actually so successful. It may have something do with his fans who "can't wait" for the release of his next albums and write him letters saying that he is "great." His office features "gold records on the wall." He is rather non-committal in saying that "maybe [he'll] call if you leave a message." Personally, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting.

He is accused for being crazy, but on the upside, he "has a great time." He admits to staying late at parties "sometimes until 4 [a.m.]." Although it is not clear why he ultimately succeeds, he reminds the listener of the difficulty of leaving "when you can't find the door." People accuse him of being lazy, but he indignantly insists that his activities "take all [his] time."

This guy really seems do be doing the best he can even if he fails to comply with social norms. All this seems to suggest that being normal is not necessary for success--and may, in fact, be an obstacle to extraordinary success.

Why is gold so valuable?

2007-11-12T13:42:00.000-08:00

My first post on the Marketing College: Essential Marketing Knowledge blog at http://marketingcollege.blogspot.com/ addresses the question why gold is so valuable considering the fact that supply by far outstrips its substantive uses. Why is it so attractive to have gold sitting around in a bank vault?

How many absent-minded professors does it take to change a tire?

2007-11-04T21:36:00.000-08:00

Surprisingly, at least in some circumstances, just one. It is not clear, however, that he or she will know when to change the tire--or get the "details" right.

Today, I got a bit worried when my front right tire scratched against a cement barrier after a sharp turn, so shortly afterward, I stopped at a Staples parking lot to check out the tire. Sure enough, it looked like it might have lost some air. Luck had it that Costco, where I had been headed, was only 0.4 miles away, so I changed the tire to the spare and brought it into the tire shop at Costco. The technician who looked at it did not see anything wrong, and measured that the tire actually had a normal 26 lbs. pressure. I showed him a bit of an indentation on the side of the tire, but he said that this would not be a problem. I was concerned about how sagging the tire had seemed, but he then explained to me that front tires "always look flat" because they carry "2,000 more lbs. of weight" than the back tires. So, I ended up changing back from the spare to the "original."

Back many years ago, a tire technician laughed when he was about to put the tire he had fixed back on and noticed that I had turned the wheel the wrong way.

This is clearly not my area of competence!

What would have been a century mark

2007-11-03T18:23:00.000-07:00

My grandfather passed away a little less than seven years ago--on December 31, 1999, which was probably a rather symbolic date. Today would have been his one hundredth birthday. At the end of this month, we will be celebrating my grandmother's 95th birthday. As I reported in this summer's "unholiday letter," my grandmother is still active online and in Photoshop. Yes, it is somewhat embarrassing that my grandmother knows considerably more about that program than I do!

Getting back to my grandfather, he was, like nearly all of the rest of the family, a genuinely proud eccentric. A one hundredth birthday celebration would probably have been a rather mixed blessing. My grandfather, for one thing, did not really like to receive gifts. He was one person who would actually be happy to hear that his gift had been bought on deep sale or at least in K-Mart or Wal-Mart. We learned to give him gifts that it would be least unpleasant for him to receive. For many years, I would always give him a stash of pens for his birthday and for Christmas. Being absent-minded in addition to being eccentric, he would lose pens at a quick rate. My sister learned that it was a "safe" bet to give my grandfather Vitabath, the bath aromatic that he would use every day.

My grandfather was also into getting value. When eating at restaurants, he would collect all the small packs of sugar on his table to feed to his bees. For many years, I and the other grandchildren would be sure to collect sugar from the restaurants we visited so that we could bring them go Grandfather on our next visit. (At the time, dining out tended to be a relatively rare event in Denmark, so I doubt that all of us together were able to provide sugar for the bees for much more than one day per year). These gifts that had not cost us anything did not bother him.

When we were little, my grandfather used to tease us about our noses being missing. When we pointed out that we had noses still, he would say that those were not our real noses but rather ones that we had bought at the grocery store.

The Land of Steaks and Insurance

2007-10-17T14:32:00.000-07:00

This certainly would be descriptive of Nebraska, but I am not sure this is really the message they would want to portray on their license plates!

Dream

2007-10-12T13:02:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had a dream that I rented a post office box in Ballard, California. My mother used to live in Santa Ynez and nearby Solving, California, while I was in college and in graduate school, and I would often visit. Ballard was nearby. However, I remember suddenly realizing that Ballard was an inconvenient location--the post offices in Santa Ynez and Solvang would have been much closer. Now that I am awake, I also realize that, as I recall, Ballard does not actually have a post office--the one in nearby Los Olivos is used.

Anybody got any possible interpretations?

A positive spin in the age of knock-offs

2007-10-06T13:49:00.000-07:00

A former ball player--either football or baseball--reportedly turned over what looked liked a Rolex watch to a party that had a sizable judgment against him. If genuine, the watch was supposed to have a value of some $12,000-$22,000. A jeweler, however, determined that the watch was actually "value disabled," worth only some $125 since it, apparently, was not genuine. An attorney for the plaintiffs remarked: "It was made by the finest craftsmen in China. It's a people's Rolex."

The most beautiful country songs

2007-10-05T17:40:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, someone posted an inquiry on an online forum calling for nominations for the "most beautiful country songs." I was reminded of this because I just acquired an album containing one of my nominations.

I have always been struck by the beauty of George Strait's song "Amarillo By Morning."

Both Don Williams and Kathy Mathea sing extremely beautiful versions of the song "Come from the Heart."

The status as the most beautiful country song I can think of, however, goes to Steve Wariner's song "Holes in the Floor of Heaven." Even the country music style grammar--perhaps necessary to maintain the integrity of the genre--does not obliterate the beauty of the words spoken to an eight year old boy whose grandmother just passed away: "There's holes in the floor of Heaven/And her tears are pouring down/That's how you know she's watching/Wishing she could be here now." As the boy grows up, he marries a woman who, unfortunately, passes away prematurely after they have had a daughter. At the daughter's wedding, she reminds her father why he should not be sad.

Clarification

2007-10-05T17:32:00.000-07:00

Tearing up the tablecloth is not good dining etiquette!

Dating myself

2007-09-25T21:15:00.000-07:00

Today, I referred to one of my favorite commercials--the 1980s commercial with the jingle "You can reach me at the Hilton. Just call me at the Hilton and we'll get down to your business right away!" I made this reference in the context of cultural differences in values and business approaches. I then sadly commented that 1988--when I was in the MBA program--was before many of the students were born. (These days, a lot of freshpersons and sophomores take the Marketing Fundamentals course). I don't feel that old!

It is better to give than to receive

2007-09-25T21:14:00.000-07:00

That's why I was very happy to give a beautiful exam today!

Afghan TV

2007-09-14T10:39:00.000-07:00

A story on NPR this morning reported that there are actually more households with TV sets in Afghanistan than there are homes with wired electricity (with some TVs apparently being powered by generators). Saad Mohseni, one of the co-founders of the largest TV network in Afghanistan comments that Afghans have historically been "deprived of all the good things that you Americans have become used to--such as soap operas...."

A historial milestone

2007-09-12T17:08:00.000-07:00

Starting today, some of my web sites will be hosted on a Windows NT, as opposed to UNIX or Linux, based server!

The not so secret agent professor

2007-09-11T18:51:00.000-07:00

Each week, I play music of a particular "theme" as students walk into the lecture hall or classroom before class. This week's theme was "mystique," with one of the featured songs being "Secret Agent Man." (Yes, I agree that it would be more appropriate and inclusive if the phrase "secret agent person" had been used, but this song appears to be from the 1970s or before, a baser time in history).

In any event, this semester, I am experimenting with recording the lecture sessions (but not the discussion sections which may contain voices of individuals who have not consented to be recorded) and posting these on the course web site. As I arrived in my first discussion section, right after the lecture session, I started the music playing and, while waiting for the time to start class to come, I started to take off my backup wireless microphone and the microphone leading to a digital recorder that I keep in my pocket. It was then the irony occurred to me that I was carrying a "hidden" recording device.

One reasonable hypotheses is that absent-minded professors usually do not make good secret agents since we may be too absent-minded to stay in character. Another hypothesis, of course, would go more at the eccentricity angle, suggesting that nothing that we do would be perceived as odd or unusual, allowing us much more latitude in behavior that, among "normal" (i.e., mediocre) people would raise suspicion.

Violent crime

2007-09-06T18:33:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite podcast series is Life of a Law Student with Neil Wehneman. Normally, I am most interested in constitutional and commercial law, but at the moment, I am going through the series on criminal law. The topics that we have gone through the last several days do not paint a flattering picture of humanity: rape, murder, voluntary manslaughter, negligent homicide, felony murder, attempted murder, and conspiracy to commit unspeakable crimes.

This reminded me of back several years ago when a student heard of my interest in obtaining a copy of the Southern California Iranian Yellow Pages. It turned out that she was well connected and, in addition to the Iranian directory, she also found two different versions of Armenian Yellow Pages, each representing one of the three main variations of Armenian. One ad for an attorney seemed to be aimed at a rather unsavory group. He or she was offering to represent defendants accused of extortion, kidnapping, and a rather explicit laundry list major violent felonies. I hope this bozo is not overly successful in getting those among his clients who are as rotten psychopaths as the crimes they are accused of--probably the great majority--off.

Cola dreams

2007-08-30T13:18:00.000-07:00

It has now been several weeks since I kicked the Diet Coke habit. Last night, for the first time, I had a dream in which a drank one. The good news is that I did not actually relapse.

Pencils

2007-08-27T08:18:00.000-07:00

The other day, I received an e-mail on Classmates.com from a former high school classmate. This reminded me of how, when I had first arrived in the U.S. in the 9th grade, a number of rotten psychopaths would "borrow" pencils from me and neglect to return them. Therefore, I instituted a practice that students who wanted to borrow pens or pencils would have to pay a deposit. When I first instituted this policy, one student asked if he would get the deposit back when he returned the pencil. With my most cynical and doubtful voice, I said "If you're lucky." The student got somehow worried, but we agreed that he actually get the deposit back, not just if he "[were] lucky." On another occasion, both I and another student who had given his paycheck in deposit forgot about the loan, so I ended up keeping his paycheck over the week-end. $68 and change were a lot of money back then.

Just in case you are wondering, Audy--who reminded me about this practice--so far as I remember always returned my pens. One time, I was a bit disappointed since he had put up a $50 bill in deposit.

Dreaming about a brief

2007-08-27T08:14:00.000-07:00

Last night, I dreamed that I had somehow gotten myself into having to write a brief in support of upholding Row v. Wade on very short notice. Since I am not trained as an attorney, this was not for filing in a court. Exactly what the brief was to be used for was not clear. The brief was apparently due at 9:00 p.m. EST, and it was close to 6:00 p.m. PST, so I was getting rather worried. Robert Bork was writing the brief for the other side.

Hard drive ache today

2007-08-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

As I have mentioned before, a broken hard drive can be almost as painful as a broken heart.

Fortunately, it appears that the hard drive on my notebook is not actually broken, but the computer still refuses to boot. Hopefully, the nice folks at ITS will be able to fix it. It really would be nice if I could have it back "before the night is through."

Somewhere in Britain

2007-08-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

A news story on NPR this morning reports that a British court has issued an injunction against a woman, prohibiting her from playing "country music classics" between 11:00 p.m.-7:00 a.m. One day, this woman had apparently played the same songs, including Tammy Wynette's "D*I*V*O*R*C*E" twenty times. The commentator suggested that it could have been worse (for the neighbors) since, at least, she did not play "All My Exes Live in Texas." I disagree. George Strait's song is actually much better. The former song is also very unnerving. I would also have preferred Tammy's other song, "Stand By Your Man" over the marital dissolution one (even though she was reportedly divorced three times as of some twenty years ago--I'm not sure what happened since). Or what about "Texas When I Die," in which Tanya Tucker suggests that, due to her uncertainty of whether the gatekeepers let cowboys into Heaven, the is not sure if she will go there. "If don't," she suggests, "just let me go to Texas/'Cause Texas is as close as I've been."

Now, I wonder how the neighbors are going to feel at 7:00 a.m. on Sundays when this poor, frustrated woman can finally get relief from the injunction and tries to make up for lost time. Perhaps they can take up a collection to buy the woman an iPod.

Those of y'all interested in further discussion of country music (probably a very small group) might want to check out my "unholiday letter" at http://larsperner.com/unholiday_letter.pdf .

Is this news?

2007-08-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

A headline at NPR's web site features the title "U.S. Losing War on Terror, Experts Say in Survey." The article goes on to say that "Foreign-policy experts deem U.S. national-security strategy in disrepair, the war in Iraq alarmingly off course, and the world increasingly more dangerous for Americans." Is this news?

A mega-nightmare

2007-08-21T08:46:00.000-07:00

Shortly before awakening this morning, I dreamed that I was taking a summer course in literature at UCLA. When driving to UCLA for the midterm, the 405 apparently only had two lanes, and I do not remember thinking of this as odd or knowing that it ever had more. Suddenly, the freeway was blocked by a large group of dour looking people in uniforms. I could not tell what the uniforms said, but it appeared to be a group of white supremacists, including one whose uniform had a badge with a Norwegian flag. There was a detour of the kind where, during freeway construction, the other side of the freeway is used for both directions, with each direction getting one lane. When I got to the other side, however, the freeway was still blocked. Apparently, I was still able to turn around and go back. I did not know which public transportation sources might get me there as the time of the exam (1:30 p.m.) was getting closer. It seems it never occurred to me that I was probably not the only one having trouble getting there and that the exam might have been postponed or that the campus as a whole might have been shut down.

Selective Southern accent

2007-08-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

Today, I have been visiting my family to celebrate my sister's birthday, and my mother and I went shopping. As we were pulling into the Costco parking lot, a call came in from a Beaumont reporter concerning the extent to which the eight percent savings associated with a three day sales tax "holiday" could motive increased purchases. In the course of this discussion, I made reference several times to a similar "back to school" sales tax break in Maryland. After completing the conversation, my mother remarked that I seemed to slip into a Southern accent each time I started referring to the Maryland deal. I hadn't noticed this. Maryland is technically in the South, and you do not have to get too far away from D.C. into the Maryland countryside before an accent starts to appear, but in College Park where I lived, that really did not happen. Still, maybe there is some unconscious association. Although I only hung out in rural Virginia once while waiting for my car to be repaired, the Southern accent does seem to "kick in" rather quickly as you move south.

By the way, if I really did slip into a Southern accent, it's a bit of a shame that I never took the opportunity to refer to "y'all." Having lived the first third of my life in a country whose language distinguishes between the second person in the singular and plural, using the uniform reference in Northern English tends to feel a bit ambiguous.

The Year of the Cat

2007-08-13T22:48:00.000-07:00

If my calculations are right, the next Year of the Cat--based on Vietnamese astrology--will not occur until 2011, but that seems a bit long to wait to make these comments on the identically named song.

Although I have heard and thought about the song over many years, I was never really able to understand much more than the title and the admonition "Don't bother asking for explanations." It was only recently that I got to look up the lyrics. At first the lyrics seemed quite revolting to me. Now I am at a point where I can't even say if I am really sickened. I simply do not understand the supposed logic (if one is even intended) of the song. How do the facts and events revealed lead to the outcomes described? Do the lyrics at http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=3526 many any more sense to you?

According to SongFacts.com--a great source of information about the background behind many songs--the song was inspired by the film Casablanca. Although I know that this film is supposed to be a classic and one that should be experienced by a "sophisticated" individual, I was never able to sit through it. Maybe enduring the film once and for all might help me understand the song better.

By the way, SongFacts also reports that the studio asked Al Stewart to make another song similar to "The Year of the Cat." The result was the song "Time Passages" which Al Stewart has since admitted to not liking. SongFacts quotes Stewart: "I didn't realize truly how bad a song it was until one day I was in an elevator and I was listening to what I thought was Muzak. About 30 seconds went by, and I finally began to recognize it and said to myself, 'This sounds pretty horrible.' Then, horror of horrors, I heard my voice come on, it actually was the record. So I'm thinking, 'Oh my God what have I done, this is terrible!' Hopefully in the last 25 years I've redeemed myself with other things, but "Time Passages" has just never thrilled me." I, on the other hand, actually like the lyrics to this song. They seem rather elegant to me. Are the words " Well, I'm not the kind to live in the past/ The years run too short and the days too fast/ The things you lean on/ Are the things that don't last" really entirely without artistic and philosophical merit? It looks like I was fooled. Again, I do agree that these words and the remaining lyrics do not appear to support a conclusion of a desire to have someone "buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight," but not all aspects of songs with merit necessarily develop the logic behind each conclusion.

An endowed waiting room

2007-08-08T15:15:00.000-07:00

Today, I noticed that the waiting room of the Internal Medicine Department of a medical center was named after two people, presumably a couple. If that raises funds for the medical center, I am all in favor of the idea!

Lifestyle change

2007-08-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

For the time being, I have tentatively kicked the Diet Coke habit.

What a difference a year makes

2007-08-04T21:15:00.000-07:00

My nephew Thomas just turned four. Technically, his birthday isn't until Tuesday, but for logistical reasons, we had his main birthday celebration today. Thomas is going to have another one on Monday with his nanny and then another one on Tuesday, too, so it might be more accurate to say that is celebrating his birthdays in the plural.

Last year, he really wasn't all that interested in gifts, he disliked sweets, and he would rather avoid most people, so there wasn't much interest in a b-day party.

This year, he had been looking forward with some impatience to the birthday cake he would receive, he actually enjoyed the celebration, and his greed had increased dramatically.

You can't grow corn on a sow's ear

2007-08-04T21:13:00.000-07:00

Although strictly speaking true, this probably isn't a proverb; at least I have never heard it spoken. If it were, it wouldn't make much sense. Still, it could probably cause some people to think for hours of what it could really mean.

Real food?

2007-07-31T14:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I saw a television ad for Hellman's Mayonnaise, insisting that this was "real food" in contrast to many other food products on the market that feature artificial ingredients. (The ad did not mention anything about the fat content of the featured product). The ad encouraged the viewer to search with the words "real food" on Yahoo! [No exclamation was intended, but the point is part of the search engine name].

When I searched as instructed, the first item that came up was a "Yahoo! shortcut." The following explanation was given: "A Yahoo! Shortcut is a quick way to get to the information you want. A Yahoo! Shortcut automatically appears when it is relevant to your search and can contain links to useful content from Yahoo!, its partners, or across the web. Some of the content may come from partners who pay to be included in Yahoo! or have another financial relationship with Yahoo!" [Emphasis added]

On Google, in contrast, a vegetarian restaurant with that domain name comes up when a search is done on "real food."

On Google, when one searches for "virtual food," the first site listed is a "virtual gift store."

New web site address for the Autism Society of Los Angeles

2007-07-31T14:03:00.000-07:00

The Autism Society of Los Angeles now has a new web site address at http://www.asa-la.org .

No!

2007-07-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

My youngest nephew, Thomas, has been learning an expression from his older brother.

What's supposed to happen on August 11?

2007-07-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

No, I am not talking about some doomsday event, but please help an absent-minded professor straighten out his schedule! At the ASA conference, I wrote down the date August 11 on a small label. This was apparently the only thing I had available to write on, so I did not write down what was happening that day and where this would take place. Did any of you notify me of an event on August 11 or otherwise know of one where I ought to be present?

Geeking out with Google

2007-07-20T16:45:00.000-07:00

PC Magazine suggests this as an activity. This almost certainly sounds geeky enough to make many of us squeal with delight!

Brake pads

2007-07-20T14:25:00.000-07:00

Back many years ago, a friend in graduate school asked to come along as an adviser when he went car shopping. I mentioned that I did not know much about cars, but he thought I might be useful anyway until I mentioned that it was not until shortly before this that I had learned that a car cannot have both a carburetor and fuel injection.

Coming back from Arizona the other day, one of my tires hit a nail. The tow truck driver attempted to fix the tire, indicating that I would not need to take the tire in for repair. Unfortunately, the fix did not last, and it turned out that the tire would have to be replaced. While I waited to have the tire fixed, I was watching another car being serviced. This is the first time I remember actually seeing a brake pad. I had envisioned something much bigger and clumsier. In fact, even though this was actually a pickup truck, it was a much smaller and handier item than I had ever imagined.

New preferred bottled water brand for Adrian Monk

2007-07-19T21:50:00.000-07:00

This season's premiere episode of Monk reveals that Adrian Monk has apparently changed his favorite brand of bottled water from Sierra Springs to Summit Creek. When Adrian was in Mexico in a previous episode, he went without water for several days because Sierra Springs was sold out. He refused to go for another brand made by the same manufacturer.

I really dislike change!

The Big House

2007-07-19T16:32:00.000-07:00

For those of you who may be familiar with British English expressions, no, I am not talking about jail. I am talking about Casa Grande, Arizona. I also want to make it clear that my motivations for heading into South Arizona were very different from those of JoJo--although the trip happened immediately after the Autism Society of America conference in Phoenix.

Back when I was in the MBA program, I was working with a professor on estimating the amount of traffic that would pass through various truck stops as a means of estimating the value of advertising exposure. Many truck stops did not have counters to enumerate the traffic coming in, so we were trying to correlate the traffic going into those stops that did have counters with the closest counter found on interstate freeways.

Anyway, it wasn't always easy to find a counter close to a stop of interest, and this process involved pouring over maps for long periods of time. That invariably meant imagining the various locations in the U.S. and Canada. Although I no longer remember most of the locations in question, I suspect that I, like James Taylor, probably went to Carolina in my mind--and to a lot of other places. One of the points of counting was near Casa Grande. The next year, while scouting out Arizona State University and the University of Arizona as possible places for doctoral work, I actually saw the exits for Case Grande but did not stop. This time, I did get to stop for lunch at a factory outlet mall. That probably wasn't the experience I had imagined, but then again, I no longer have a clear memory of what I had expected--but I had probably envisioned something a bit more exotic.

One day when I had my atlas and computer printouts spread out over the dining room table, the girl friend of one of my apartment mates asked me what I was doing. I no longer remember exactly what I said, but I imagine that it was not something like "Isn't that obvious? I'm matching truck stops!"

How many windows should an old hotel have?

2007-07-18T18:31:00.000-07:00

Many years ago, around 1980, when I was still in high school, I was watering the lawn. I no longer remember if I actually heard or just imagined hearing the the song lyrics suggesting that "there [are] too many windows in this old hotel." (Apparently, to make matters worse, some of the rooms were "filled with reckless pride.") At first, I was not sure why this song reminded me of my friend Dan Chase, but then it occurred to me that the singer was Dan Fogelberg. (A previous blog entry discusses the associative network of knowledge, which explains this triggering of the "Dan" node).

Anyway, how many rooms should an old hotel, optimally, have? Does this figure differ from a that of a new hotel?

It seems rather sad that nobody lives in the hotel. Was it the excessive number of windows, the irresponsible pride, some other factor, or a combination of factors that caused the hotel's demise? The fact that the "walls [had] grown sturdy" seems an advantage rather than a disadvantage, though I have difficulty understanding why the walls would become sturdier rather than experiencing decay.

Well, at least the song provides some nice inspiration: "Seek inspiration in daily affairs/Now you soul is in trouble and requires repairs/And the voices you hear at the top of the stairs/Are only echoes of unanswered prayers/Echoes of unanswered prayers."

Arizona: One giant construction site?

2007-07-18T18:28:00.000-07:00

Returning from Arizona, I could not help noticing just how much construction seems to be going on around the places I visited--mostly from Scottsdale through Cochise County by way of Tucson. If Paradise is anywhere in the neighborhood, I suspect that Joni Mitchell's premonition is in serious danger of coming true.

At least they probably won't pave the Grand Canyon. Filling it up would be way too expensive. The Puny Canyon and the Pathetic Canyon--if these entities exist--might not be so lucky.

Should Congress repeal the law of gravity?

2007-07-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

Absolutely not!

Not being a physicist, I cannot say what kinds of "cascading" effects might affect other laws of nature if gravity were removed, but I suspect that the Earth would lose its atmosphere and probably drift farther and farther away from the Sun.

The constitutionality of repealing this kind of law are not clear to me. Generally, I would imagine that Congress could repeal whatever laws it passed, but I am not sure that Congress actually ever passed the law of gravity. The U.S. Constitution says something to the effect that those aspects of the British common law that were in existence at the time of the passage of the Constitution, to the extent that these are not in conflict with the Constitution, remain in force. I am not sure if a constitutional amendment would be required to remove such a common law component, but it is likely--in fact, almost certain--that the law of gravity preceded the British common law.

There might also be some implications of various treaties that the U.S. has signed. In any event, it hardly seems fair that a decision of this magnitude would be made entirely by the government of a country that represents some five percent of the world's population.

Walking up the Great Wall of China, gravity is a burden, but the solution of doing away with it is worse than the problem.

Good news!

2007-07-17T10:17:00.000-07:00

As I explained in my un-holiday letter late last month, I usually do not get the time to send out an annual holiday letter since early to mid-December is one of the busier times of the year with the end of the semester coming up. Therefore, I have decided to start writing on an actual holiday letter this summer before the Fall semester starts. This letter is scheduled to be released in November. Having caught up a great deal with the un-holiday letter, the holiday letter is expected to be much shorter this time--not much more than ten pages.

Someone told me the other day that the "norm" for holiday letters is about one page--two at most. The question is: Who cares?

A succinct dismissal

2007-07-17T10:09:00.000-07:00

SunRocket, Inc., an Internet phone service whose market share is (or at least was) reported to be second only to that of Vonage, apparently ceased operations. A succinct message greeted callers: "We are no longer taking customer service or sales calls. Goodbye." Customers who had paid $199 for a year of unlimited calling within the U.S. and Canada are probably disappointed.

B but no B at the B&B

2007-07-16T18:48:00.000-07:00

A flier for a bed and breakfast offers the following statement: "Sorry, we no longer provide breakfast."

Fiction tourism--in reality

2007-07-16T18:16:00.000-07:00

These days, I rarely buy any novels. There is a very large supply at my mother's house now that she has retired from the horse breeding business. Sometime ago, she recommended to me books by the author J. A. Jance. This author features several different individuals--mostly from law enforcement--as her books' main characters. One of these is Sheriff Joanna Brady on Cochise County, Arizona. Having reinstated my "tradition" of travel in the region immediately after the end of each national Autism Society of America conference, I am traveling around in Arizona at the moment. (This year's conference was in Scottsdale, a suburb of Phoenix).

Today, I visited--and am staying over at the Best Value Inn & Suites--in Bisbee, the location of the sheriff's office (fictionally, at least). Joanna is supposed to have a ranch some two miles outside town.

Bisbee is very different from what I had expected. It is an amazingly beautiful place, especially coming down Highway 80. It turns out that there is an "old" town Bisbee. I never realized that the town was really an old town accompanied by some newer developments.

Here, by the way, we have an interesting series of events. It was only about three months since I first heard of J.A. Jance. If I had not heard of her, I probably would never have ventured to this place.

Now we will have to see what--if anything--happens "by the time I get (back) to Phoenix."

A professor's nightmare

2007-07-16T11:12:00.000-07:00

Recently, the USA Network has been running a promo for the series Monk in which Adrian walks around in a near perfect world full of symmetry. There are even maintenance workers cleaning the glass on the parking meters. The dream, however, turns into a nightmare when he steps on a piece of chewing gum. The complains to his psychologist that this nightmare happened again.

The other day, I, too, had a dream that started out well. A colleague had asked me to give my exam to her class. (I love giving exams!) However, as I was about to pass out the exam, I realized that the exams I had brought had already been filled out, presumably by my students.

Seems it sometimes rains in Southern Arizona

2007-07-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

At least it did in Tucson last night.

Arizona? Not Arkansas?

2007-07-09T13:32:00.000-07:00

Going down Interstate 10 on my way to Scottsdale, I have been passing an amazing number of Wal-Mart stores. Maybe Arizona is friendlier to the chain than California is.

A broken modem

2007-07-06T11:16:00.000-07:00

A broken modem is probably not as painful as a broken hard drive, but it can certainly put a damper on the Fourth of July holiday. A colleague told me the other--on July 3--that his modem had broken down and that a new one might arrive in the mail that afternoon.

It's finally here: My "un-holiday" letter!

2007-06-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

For many years, I had planned to send out a holiday greeting to try to catch up with many of those with whom I have not had the opportunity to maintain regular contact. Unfortunately, the end of the semester tends to be a rather busy time in academia, so for many years, this has not happened. This summer, I decided that it might be a more effective strategy to send out an "un-holiday" letter instead. I have posted this letter at http://www.larsperner.com/unholiday_letter.pdf .

With all the time that has gone by, the letter turned out to be a little on the long side (although I have managed to keep to fewer than one hundred footnotes), so it may take a few moments for the letter to show up. Enjoy!

AMONG THOSE OF YOU WHO MAKE IT THROUGH
THE FIRST FOUR PAGES OF THE LETTER:

Some will conclude that reading that far has been a giant waste of time;
Some will not be able to put the letter down until you reach the end;
Some of you will reluctantly put the letter down out of a felt obligation to feed your children a hasty dinner, then proceeding to read out loud parts of the letter as a bedtime story;
Some will scan for selected topics of interest;
Some of you will read the main document but skip the footnotes, potentially losing out on some of the juiciest parts of the letter;
Some will continue to enjoy the rest of the document in small doses;
Some will pretend to continue to enjoy the rest of the document in small doses under a rather questionable belief that distinguished professors are supposed to be profound and insightful; and
Some of you will convince someone else to read the letter, highlighting any useful information or providing a summary.

Page 2 briefly lists a few rewards afforded those who read the letter in its entirety.

Millicent Min, Girl Genius

2007-06-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

This is a book that certain girls on the autism spectrum--and a few bright ones off--along with certain eccentric (and possibly certain worthy but uninspiringly uneccentric) adults might like.

Millicent Min, Girl Genius starts out: "I have been accused of being anal retentive, an overachiever and a compulsive perfectionist, like those are bad things."

Here is an Amazon review by Sharon Morrison, Southeastern Oklahoma State University: "Millie, an 11-year-old with a genius IQ, is taking a college poetry class and waiting for her high school senior year. Because she never hesitates to show how much she knows about a particular subject, her peers tend to stay away. Millie's social ineptitude is a cause of concern for her parents. Against her will, she is enrolled in summer volleyball and enlisted to tutor Stanford Wong, a friend of the family. Into this mix enters Emily, a volleyball teammate and typical preteen. The girls become friends but Millie neglects to tell Emily about her genius status. Eventually the truth surfaces and Emily feels betrayed. Millie thinks that Emily is angry because she is smart, never realizing that the betrayal comes from her lack of trust in their friendship. While some readers will have trouble identifying with Millie, her trials and tribulations result in a story that is both funny and heartwarming. A universal truth conveyed is that honesty and acceptance of oneself and of others requires a maturity measured not by IQ but by generosity of spirit."